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Over the years I have watched my share of reality television. I have even taken part in one. I was appalled by the actions and behavior of Evelyn Lozada on the “Basketball Wives” Reunion. One of the reasons I chose to write for Elev8 was to uplift and inspire people. It was a way to encourage people to do better, because we can be better.
After watching the “Basketball Wives” Reunion Parts 1 and 2 and both seasons of the show and following the continuous online affairs of “lifestyles of the rich and infamous”, I have come to one conclusion. You are a bully, with a threshold of immaturity that borders on being a freshman in high school. The only difference is that you have acquired a business and a platform to show it off on. Why would a person who has that rarest of things, which is an opportunity to do great things squander it in front of camera? You could be a light to our young women to show them that being a single mom can work.
Instead you show them that sleeping around with married men, is “just one of those things that happens”. That sleeping with a man on the first date that at best, by your own admission, you had only talked to via twitter was “how you got your groove back.” Seriously? Are you kidding me? No manner of editing can excuse that? Please don’t blame that on the producers. I have done a reality show too Boo-Boo. They only edit what you give them.
Whenever someone is trying to actually have a conversation with you and they get close to the real truth you immediately shout them down. You act as a ring leader whose followers need to “be as cool as you”. Your reaction to tell them that they are as you put it “out of the circle” is not only childish but “brutish”. Yes, its high school all over again except everyone has an American Express card. Suzy has all but crawled on the ground and licked your Manolos asking for your forgiveness. How much more humiliation do you want to apply to that woman? Royce wore a dress that was hers. She looked presentable. Yet, you felt the need to point out that it was less than fashionable.
Why you chose to use such profane language as a way to express yourself in front of the cameras was beyond me. Royce had a point. You could have expressed yourself in another manner. By choosing to express yourself that way on commenting on her clothes, hair and accessories you proved a point. I am sorry to say this but you are not only shallow and a bully, but you are clueless as well. You are not a “grown woman”. A “grown woman” is one who is dressed well by being neat and clean. A “grown woman” doesn’t find herself smitten by a man of questionable reputation who sends shoes, flowers and takes you to a restaurant and orders a desert named after him. Why would you choose to put on such an adolescent act in front of so many millions of people? Once again, did you think that would be amusing? It looked cheap. This is not the way to live. This is not the example to project. Please save me the whole “I am not a role model speech”. That is not what I am getting at. I am getting at the fact that women like you take us all down with your actions. It is reflected on all of us when you attend business meetings, when you go out in public and conduct yourself as you do in real life. No, you are not alone in taking us to the lowest common denominator in behavior in society. You are an example of what is not only repulsive but problematic of the state of womanhood. Women like you change the tone of an environment and make it mean, nasty, cruel and inhospitable. They make trendy all types of debased behavior because all the other women fear “being out of the loop and old fashioned.” They make men think we can all be purchased for trinkets. You make it trendy to be purchasable.
The extremely strong desire to follow the trends of the moment is helped by an electronic media in which sex is attached to every activity. Girls constantly hear about how to look “hot,” which usually means dressing like a prostitute. It was reflected by your nasty attack of Royce’s apparel, make up and wardrobe choice. It is reflected by your arrogance to believe that sleeping around is just for fun. You even suggested that “your friend” loosen up when it came to her questioning your actions with Chad. That is beyond scandalous because we are so far gone at this point.
I have been a teacher for 20 plus years and it is still painful to hear what pre-adolescent girls or young women say when they open their mouths on the subject of sexuality and responsibility. I am even in the same generation as you. Everything I have in my life I have worked for with common dignity and respect. I put myself through college. I secured my first, second and third jobs. I took care of my mother through a debilitating disease and now I am putting my God-daughter through private school. Please don’t tell me how life is a struggle. I have never once sold myself for cheap. I have not once put myself or morality up in question. I have never once acted in a way that was vulgar and far beneath me, and I come from East New York Brooklyn. Don’t blame it in where you come from. Even when I did my reality show I had a conversation about how certain things were non negotiable because I was an example. It is in the DNA.
Unfortunately, our young ladies ,yourself included think that out right obnoxiousness and vulgarity is normal. One can easily hear the heartbreaking confusion as it unconsciously wrestles up through their vulgarity, their attempts at being tough, and their dismissals of supposed good behavior.
Evelyn you just proved that all I have warned my girls against leads to ugly behavior. Behavior which you displayed screaming across the stage the way you did. Those last 15 minutes of footage should be used as a teaching moment.
Ladies don’t act this way.
An Open Letter To Evelyn Lozada Of “Basketball Wives” was originally published on rnbphilly.com