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A few recent conversations combined with intense web surfing had me thinking for days on the topic of courting. After reading an article on how courting was virtually non-existent in the new millennium I had to figure this thing out for myself. Is courting a thing of the past, an important yet overlooked element of dating, and are men willing to court a woman nowadays especially with the influx of hit-it-then-split-it relationships?

Courtship is defined as the period in a couple’s relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. In courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement.

The keywords here are agreement and relationship. I’d like to think of courting as window shopping, with the responsibilities of a woman being a store owner to dress her windows to attract new clients being men. Traditionally men are given the task of wooing a lady, be it through gifts, taking her on exciting outings, impressing a woman’s friends and family, basically immersing himself in her life. If he is successful then an offer is made and an agreement may take place, followed by a relationship.

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Fast forward to 2011, most of us are too damn hasty to receive and accept a courtship of any kind. And even if we are being courted we tend to question and over analyze a man’s motives, instead of going with the flow throwing the game out of whack. Divorce is becoming the new marriage, sex the new commitment, and the internet is substituting communication.

I know that I have had relationships where I qualified talking on the phone everyday for a month as getting to know one another, or even worse, worked backwards by putting sex first hoping that courtship would follow with pixie dust and confetti. Don’t get me wrong, sex and talking on the phone are elements of healthy relationships, but not the foundation.

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Getting to know the person you’re dating involves discovering a person’s values, hopes, dreams, secrets, strengths and weaknesses. That builds trust and a solid foundation. Men are willing to court, they’ve told me, but why go through the trouble if a woman’s window arrangement is chaotic. Think about it now, when you go shopping are you likely to toss clothing around in a store with expensive prices and immaculate presentation? Probably not, in fact you’re probably ready to go into debt to get that new bag or shoes, but that’s another topic altogether! Make sure you are the most sought after person in your world. Men are willing to court a woman, but women must allow themselves to be courted. What is your definition of courting? Is courtship still important in dating even if the goal is not marriage?

Talk to me!

Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Follow her on twitter @goddess_I

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