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Dear Gay Best Friend,

I was dating this man who is 10 years older than me.  Things started off great.  I really believed that this man would be the reason for me to give marriage another try.  He is retired from the military but goes overseas on contract to train soldiers, so I only see him every 6-9 months.  Early in our relationship, he did some really stupid things, like tell me he was seeing someone else to see how I would react. Bipolar stuff, right? But, after much begging, I took him back with the promise that he would not make me regret taking him back. One thing about me is that I don’t go backwards.  This was the first time I ever did so.

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So, after I took him back things seemed to be back on track. My children met him and really got attached to him. Another thing about me is that I don’t believe in bringing everyone around my children, so that was a very important step. We went on vacation together and he really enjoyed my children. He doesn’t have any of his own but was married twice, both of which ended in divorce. Long story short, I became pregnant and we were both really happy. He sat down and talked to my children and told them he wanted to marry me and become part of our family. I started to make plans for the wedding, then things started to change.

He is very close to his father and his father began putting ideas in his head like the baby might not be his and that I got pregnant to trap him. My oldest child is 11 and my youngest is 7. Why would I arbitrarily wait 7 years to have another child? I know there are some like that, but I am not one of them. Because of all the arguments and stress he was putting me under by questioning my integrity, I lost the baby and he disappeared. Said he needed time alone. At that point I completely wrote him off but we tried to remain friends.

He came back from overseas on leave a few weeks ago and we spent time together. He came out with me for my birthday and got into a “deep discussion” about me with my cousin. He told her he knew he messed up and that he wanted to make things right for me and the kids and that he still wanted to be part of my life. When I asked him about the conversation (he told me to ask my cousin what was said rather than him telling me himself), he said he didn’t know what I was talking about and that she must have misunderstood.  He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship again and that was that. I walked away and he went back overseas. Now he is texting and leaving me messages about how much he misses me and should have done things differently. Should I just leave his bipolar behind alone or try to salvage what little friendship we have left? – Trying To Be Understanding Not Stupid

“I May Be 18 Years Old And Love Older Men, But I Think He’s Playing Games”

Dear Ms. Trying To Be Understanding Not Stupid,

Listen, stupid, oops I didn’t mean that. I meant Ms. Understanding. Girl, you try to salvage that little friendship if you want to, but know that he isn’t the one who is bipolar, it’s you. Yes, darling, you’re the crazy one. You know the saying about the definition of insanity? It’s when you keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. So, you answer me this, which one of you is bipolar? I’ll wait. I know how it is with you mentally slow people. It takes you time to process information.

You are really trying to call the kettle black and make him out to be the bad guy. Sure, he has some issues, and girl, I can’t believe he is 10 years older than you and acting the way he is. Listening to his father about the legitimacy of the baby, and backing out of the wedding, and then having a “deep discussion” about you with your cousin. What the hell?!?! Why is he talking about your relationship with your family member? Girl, you are truly special. Why are you entertaining this man? The red blinking signs are all around this fool. He’s been married and divorced twice. He has no kids. He spends more time out of the country than in it. So, how do you think you two were going to have a family and be functioning with all the drama he brings? And, the man has told you that he doesn’t want a relationship. DUH! Get a “F’ing” clue. And, please, please, please tell me why do you want to be bothered, or keep pursuing something with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Please tell me that! Let me get a good seat at the front door of Bellevue Mental Health Hospital. I want to see you as they bring you in.

But, you know what’s really sad, is that you wrote, “One thing about me is that I don’t go backwards.”  You are a backwards ass lie! You keep going backwards with this fool. Re-read your letter and you count the number of times you took him “BACK,” and let him “BACK” into your life.

I can’t! I can’t! I can’t! You are a MF’ing trip. No wonder this man wants nothing to do with you. Your ass is crazy. Oh, yes, Ms. Thing, you’re calling him bipolar, and if he is, then trust me when I tell you this, like attracts like. And, he probably sees the same thing in you. You know what? You two deserve each other. You two definitely belong together. Two crazy ass nut cases.

Girl, get away from me, and stop playing yourself before I punch you in the neck. That man ain’t no more thinking about you than he is your kids. If he was a real man, a man with morals, values, and integrity, as they teach military men, then he wouldn’t be playing these silly ass games. The man is still listening to his daddy, so it’s obvious he is not his own man. Chile, cut that man loose. Tell him to stop calling, texting, emailing, sending smoke signals, and Morse code messages. Move on and get yourself together. And, please do us all a favor and get a mental health diagnosis. I’m sure something is lacking in that brain of yours. It’s probably that tight ass wig stopping the circulation of oxygen from getting to your brain. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

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Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!