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Silk Bonnets, Head Scarves, Shower Caps, Rollers etc in public.

Not that it’s acceptable under the age of 30, but since I see it so often, I figure I can give people at least until the age of 30 to let that go. ANYTHING that you wear to bed should not be worn outside your home. That includes pajama pants and house slippers as well. When I was little, I would see older girls arrive to school with their hair rollers still in, or maybe even rockin’ a pair of tweety bird house slippers. MAN. I thought they were SO cool. I wanted a pair of tweety bird house slippers! One day I called myself leaving the house with my hair still wrapped and my headscarf still on. Oh no. My mother was NOT having that! It was then that I realized that it wasn’t cool to wear your bedroom clothes in public. Needless to say as the years went on, I began to wonder what in the HECK these girls were thinking and why they thought it was cute to wear their little silk bonnets in public. I saw a grown woman wearing one the other day and she looked like the biggest, hot ghetto mess. Now…I realize that some people may not know what it looks like from the outside so I’m here to tell you like my mother told me. STOP IT. There are way too many styles of hats to be wearing a silk bonnet in public.

2. Bullying (a la Shaunie, Evelyn and the crew)

Can you really consider yourself a grown woman while you and your girls are plotting to crash an event that you weren’t invited to just to start drama and cause a scene? I mean seriously. Let’s paint the scene. You and four of your girls get all dolled up, get to an event, zero in on some poor defenseless chick while she’s by herself and gang up on her. One of you is waving your finger in her face and twisting your neck, while the other one is throwing drinks in her face and this is all because she just happens to be your ex-boyfriends new girlfriend. First of all, it makes you look immature and not to mention ghetto. Second, if you had time to plan out this ambush then you have no life. GROW UP. *side-eye to Shaunie and ‘em* which leads me to…

3. Fist Fighting

Have you ever scene two (or more) grown women flailing their arms and pulling each others hair? RI-DI-CU-LOUS. I mean at 30+ years old, NOTHING can be that serious. Not the girl that stepped on your foot on the train, the lady that cut the line in the grocery store, or the lady that rolled her eyes as you walked past her at the concert. Not to mention ummmm Adults go to jail for fighting…it’s called assault. Not cute.

4. Super Long Hoodrat Nails…Where Do You Work?

I’m not talking regular, normal looking nails. I’m talking about the B.A.P.S. nails with the little 3-D designs on each finger, 5 different colors, with butterflies that have actual flapping wings and all that jazz. Ya’ll KNOW ya’ll have seen some crazy looking nails. Not only do you look hood, but you look like a hood 17 year old…I mean no offense to hood 17 year olds, but it’s probably not a look becoming of my 30+ divas. Besides, have you ever noticed that when people have those extra long nails, they tend to do a little extra with their hands so you can see their nails? *shudders* So Tacky.

5. Checklists for Your Men

I applaud having standards. In fact I encourage it. But in this day and age, if you’re 30+ and looking for a worthy candidate, chances are he may have kids, he may have been married before, and I’m sorry Chilli…but he just may eat pork. The older you get the more experiences people have, the more opportunity for mistakes and let’s face it. Things happen. A 33 year old guy is probably not going to be as squeaky clean as a 23 year old guy. Besides, if he was perfect by checklist standards at the age of 33, then you would have to wonder why he hasn’t been snatched up already! (just kidding) All this to say, the excessive checklist that you made when you were in college may need a lot of editing or you just may need to toss it and throw caution to the wind…well not ALL caution.

6. The “I Can Act Like a Man” Act

Yes Act. Let’s stop playing ourselves in 2011. When you continuously involve yourself with someone whether it is mentally or physically you are going to experience some type of emotional attachment. It’s Biology, not a choice. When women say they are acting like men, it most likely refers to their ability to have “no strings attached” / “friends with benefits” type of relationships. Let’s get real. Women only do that for one of two reasons. Number one being that they have been hurt and think that they can block out all emotions that come with those types of relationships. This usually involves them jumping from man to man because they are trying to fill the void that the last one left. They don’t want to form an attachment with that guy because they are afraid to (not the same reasons as guys) so they move on to the next. The second reason why women try to “act like men” is because they somehow think that they can lure a man in by telling him that they want a no strings attached relationship, while the whole time they are just secretly hoping that this guy will fall for them after being involved with them for an extended period of time. And when it doesn’t work, your little feelings are hurt and all of a sudden you’re swearing off men. Men can do it because they are built for that…it’s called Testosterone. They have more. We have more Estrogen…that’s why we’re more emotional. There is actually a chemical released in the female body during sex that can evoke feelings of love. When you get to be a certain age, you should stop playing games with yourself and others and just be accountable for your own choices. It’s time to grow up and stop playing pretend.

7. Shopping in the Juniors Department. These Clothes Just Don’t Fit Anymore Dear. Give Up The Ghost.

Shoutout to all my sexy divas that can still shop in the juniors department. If you can, more power to you. Should you? Probably not. It’s just not cute when you see a grown woman walking around with a baby tee on that has “Team Jacob” written all over it. I understand the whole holding on to your youth thing. You probably think wearing trends that are meant for 17 year olds will make you look 17. WRONG. You look like a 40 year old who is trying to look 17. And that my dears, is not where it’s at in 2011…or ever.

8. Excessively using Ebonics in public and on public forums

True story. I read a facebook status similar to this recently:

“I’m bout to run back to da store. I was already ova dere but I didn’t even get what I came in dere for.” I wish ya’ll could have seen my face. Like…how much extra thought it takes to type “dere” instead of there…that is doing the absolute most. So you want to keep up with the new fresh internet lingo? What happened to “lol” and “lmao”? Stick to the basics people! Leave all that extra Ebonics talk to the teenagers. As a matter of fact, if you see your child on facebook spelling words like that, then I would advise you put a stop to it. If not, you may be dealing with a potential 30 year old who spells out Ebonics on facebook. Each one, teach one.

Did I leave anything out?

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