If your Facebook feed is anything like mine, it’s filled with news about friends who have gotten engaged recently. And while those couples are certainly on cloud nine, if you’re the formerly significant other of a newly engaged guy, this revelation can, well, suck. Here’s how to deal.
Don’t beat yourself up for feeling bitter.
When you date a guy seriously when you’re in your 20s or 30s the idea of being married to him is going to dance in your head — you may even have come close to getting engaged to each other. So when you learn that he is, in fact, marrying someone else, it’s a weird feeling — even if you’re in a wonderful relationship or are engaged, yourself. It doesn’t mean your current relationship is flawed or you miss your ex. It’s just natural to feel like you’ve been replaced — and it’s rare to be comfortable with that.
Remind yourself why you broke up.
Odds are, you’re not actually wishing that you were in his fiancee’s white satin shoes. Still, it helps to think about all the reasons why you’re no longer with your ex. Even if he’s a great guy, he wasn’t great for you. And consider this: It’s pretty darn exciting that you CAN be with the perfect man because you AREN’T engaged to him.
Hide him on Facebook.
De-friending him now is not the answer. Keeping him out of your Facebook feed is. You don’t need to see others’ well wishes or comments that you might take personally, even if they so weren’t meant as insults (I know I’d feel the sting if I read, “I always knew this gal was the one for you!” from a mutual friend). And remember: out of sight, (mostly) out of mind.
One of my friends is in this situation, and you know what she’s doing? Planning an awesome girls’ vacation. I love this idea. Because of instead of wallowing, she’s showing herself a good time.
And when you’ve become OK with everything …
Wish him well (if he deserves your congrats; if he was a jerk, no need to get in touch). It can be cathartic to talk to the person who made you a little miserable, even though that clearly wasn’t his intention. You don’t need to get dinner or pour out your soul in a three-page handwritten letter, but an e-mail that shows that yeah, you’re cool with his engagement and no, you’re not going to sabotage his wedding (no need to actually say that, of course!), can make you feel better about the state of affairs. It’s a nice reminder of how mature and deserving of your own happiness you are.
Tips on making yourself feel better
A break-up may be tough to overcome and no one else can feel what you feel. It is difficult to mend a broken heart but not impossible. As the famous saying goes ‘time heals everything.’ Here are a few tips that can help you speed up the healing process and turn yourself towards a life and partner you truly deserve.
- Give yourself time
- Be brave
- Go for a massage
- Listen to music
- Try aromatherapy
- Cry as much as you want
- Get rid of the things that remind you of your relationships
- Avoid texting, calling and e-mailing your ex
- Avoid places your partner frequents
- Try to move on
- Take up a new hobby
- Try what you have never tried before
- Get a makeover done. Even a haircut can make you feel better
- Avoid fighting, screaming and nasty behaviour. It gives nothing
- Avoid being revengeful
- Try to respect your partner’s decision
- Read inspiring quotes
- Get closer to nature
- Meet new people
- Avoid being alone
Remember you are not alone. There are many couples who go through a break-up and still survive. It may be tough in the beginning but keep going. Both partners have equal rights to make a choice to be or not be in a relationship. So if the inevitable happens, accept it and make peace with yourself. Live a full life for yourself and you will surely find somebody better.