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My Dearest Gay Best Friend,
I was married right out of high school and, yes, I did graduate. However, my husband was wet behind the ears too! (Both of us were young, me only 17 and him 18).
I knew that it wasn’t going to be all gravy with both of us having only our diplomas, but there was a plan. I was to attend college and work part-time and he would work full time, and when I graduated it would be his turn to go to college.
As you know it never seem to work out the way you want it to. He began drinking and became an alcoholic, abusive, cheater and controlling. I’d put up with it for years, and now even after he has sobered up I’m still angry for everything he has put me through. We have three children, and even though our oldest will be graduating this year, I’m thinking of leaving him.
He has always been a selfish man and I still have to ask the question of whether he loves me. I try to forgive, but it’s easier said than done, and not to mention to forget. He always had a temper and when I tell him how unhappy he has made me and how I want to leave, he threatens my life and his own.
I’m starting to believe it wasn’t all alcohol and he is just selfish. Yes! He has told me that he can’t see me with anyone but him. – What The Hell To Do
Dear Ms. What The Hell To Do,
Chile, you people and these abusive relationships. Honey, love is not letting, or allowing, someone to put their hands on you, control you, cheat on you, or abuse you in any way, manner, shape, form or fashion. I don’t care how many times they come back to you and beg and plead with their, “I’m sorry,” and “It won’t happen again.” Of course it’s not going to happen again because I’m up out this –ish! And, before I bounce I’m going to make you some grits. Now go lay down and take a nap. LMBAO! You better Al Green they ass.
And, what the hell were you thinking marrying right out of high school? Talking about naïve, young, and dumb. You knew nothing about life, hadn’t experienced anything, and Lord knows you ain’t have nothing, not even a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. But, hindsight is 20/20 isn’t it? All those lofty ideas, goals, and plans you had what happened to them? Honey, life is something fierce. She will throw you a curve ball and then say, “Oh, all those plans you’ve made, chile, boo, here’s some obstacles, challenges, and real life –ish. Now work that out!”
Now, in regards to your thoughts of leaving him, honey, you’ve already left him. Emotionally and mentally you have already checked out. Right now, you’re just there physically and are going through the motions, and life is living you. You’re not living it. You better wake up, get an exit plan and start regaining control over your life.
Chile, I wish someone would say to me, “I can’t see you with anyone but me.” Well, honey, poof, abracadabra, a b***h has disappeared. And, then he threatened your life on top of that, girl, you better make 911 your friend. And, while you’re at it get a restraining order of protection, and you better start telling everyone how you feel afraid for your life and your kid’s life. You don’t trust him, and he is unstable. Honey, if he wants to act Ka-Razy, then you get Ka-Razy with him!
Look, Ms. What The Hell To Do, start saving you some money. Get you a bank account and put money in it every week. This is going to be your deposit money on an apartment far, far away from him. Then you save up enough money to last you a good six months. Yes, honey, because I know you’ve been dependent on him and his income, if he is bringing any in. You’ve got to be savvy and start thinking smartly. No more victim, and woe-is-me mentality. You need a backbone and all your strength to walk away and stand strong. Yes, it’s going to be difficult because you’re going to miss him because he’s all you’ve known. But, give yourself some time to heal and grieve. Ending a relationship, especially marriage, will take a toll on you. And, you have kids together, so there is another dynamic you have to consider. I strongly urge you to get into some counseling, spiritual edification and under spiritual guidance of a minister, or a strong spiritual woman in the church. You’re going to need the church community, and Big Momma and ‘em to help you move on. This won’t be easy. But, know that God is in the plan and working with you. He is your comforter and provider. You’ve also got to start loving you and building your self-esteem. That man has worn you out and I know your hair is thinning, you’ve gained weight, you’re smoking a pack of Newports a day, and every time you see him or hear his voice you go into convulsions. Girl, I know. But, it’s time to take back your life, and learn to forgive. Ask God to help you forgive your husband. Whatever he is going through may be a result of issues beyond your control or knowledge. Chile, you think you know someone, but honey, I’m here to tell you, folks will surprise you all the time. Now go start planning your exit, but make sure the water is at a boil before you put the grits in. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
How many of you would stay in a marriage with someone who is abusive, controlling, and a cheater?
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