During a segment of Mo’s House, MoShay LaRen touched on an interesting subject about sex and unusual props we use in the bedroom. Who knew pop rocks and sex went hand in hand? Check out the audio below as Moshay dives deep into the craziest things you’ve used during sex.

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This past Tuesday night I took time out to watch the 2012 Democratic Convention. Ok Admittedly I was flipping back and forth between The DNC and Martin, I couldn’t help it. However, when 10:30 came around I dropped the remote and was glued to the Television as our First Lady came to the stage and delivered a flawless speech. I was completely blown away. She displayed such transparency and spoke with such grace and passion while also illustrating what true love looks like as she gushed about her husband and his work. What an example! What an inspiration!

After she concluded her speech I scrolled through my timeline and news feed to gauge the pulse of the people. The almost universal response was that our First Lady Michelle Obama rocked the house. Another commonality shared by my friends and family via social media was an almost reverential awe in regards to Barack and Michele’s relationship. Men and women alike were actively voicing their desire to experience such sincerity in their love lives and respective relationships. This got me to thinking about ideals.

An ideal is an ultimate object or aim of endeavor, especially one that is of high or noble character. It’s a goal, a standard, a status if you would. The process of discovering YOUR ideal is the first step to getting what you want. So ideally speaking, what does your relationship look like? How about the men you date, what qualities do they possess? As you navigate through the dating pool do you require that these qualities be present or do you relax your standards for the sake of instant gratification? Hard questions but your ability to answer them will determine the probability of you actually getting what you want. Locate your ideal and in doing so possess what you want. It is not enough however to have an ideal. That’s the beginning of the process. As with anything there is work to be done. We must live lives that are in alignment with the ideals we say we have if we are to ever possess them. The owness is on each of us as individuals. Jessie Belle Rittenhouse summed this up perfectly when she wrote:

 bargained with Life for a penny,
And Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening
When I counted my scanty store;
For Life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.
I worked for a menial’s hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have willingly paid.

May we live the lives we dream of and may we experience a love that provokes us to be better than who we presently are. Cheers to the journey. Date Responsibly.

Always With You in Mind,

Kevin Carr

You can stay connected with me and also purchase my newly released book! If All Men Are Dogs, Then Women You Hold the Leash” at www.Ifmenaredogs.com

Also  lets talk via Twitter!  @Kev_Carr

5 Relationship Pitfalls We Must Avoid [Original]

How to Win The Dating Game: Men Respond to Standards

How To Win The Dating Game: 3 Ways To Figure Out His Motives

Must Read: 5 Relationship Pitfalls We Must Avoid

This is what we call, “The Lingerie Myth”–that ill-informed notion that donning lingerie for your man is a sure fire way to a night full of lusty naughtiness. If only it were that easy! For so many of us, our best efforts are met with ambivalence, disdain, or even (dun dun dun), laughter. For every woman who has ever been humiliated while wearing a garter belt and a boustier, here are the HelloBeautiful staff’s worst lingerie horror stories. Enjoy!

The Politics Of A Brazilian Bombshell Fail

I am a lingerie addict. I have an extensive collection of thongs, garters, erotic, romantic and skanky getups hidden at the back of my panty drawer for those “special occasions.” A few years ago I was dating a guy who would rather sit and have a debate about politics, (I’m no Chris Matthews, but I can hold my own), than get busy between the sheets. After countless nights filled with political chatter, I decided to spice things up by wearing this smoking hot Brazilian carnival costume, (headpiece included), that was donated to the company I worked for. I invited said boyfriend to my apartment and when he rang the bell, I carefully sashayed my way down the stairs with my new borrowed sexy getup. I opened the door, expecting him to throw me up against the wall. (I mean my outfit was ALL THAT!) But what did he do? LAUGH!!!

That was definitely not the reaction I was expecting! Talk about a blow to my self-esteem. Once I got it together and went upstairs, I asked him, “Was it the outfit? Too sexy? Headpiece too over the top?”

He replied, “I’m intimidated by how good you look! I feel pressured and overwhelmed by what you expect of me.”

“WHAT???,” I thought, I just wanted to have some fun!

He went on to say that I didn’t need to go the extra mile, he’d rather see me in a wife-beater and boy shorts, and, that women expect sex and romance to be like the movies, and real life does not work that way! Well guess what? I want to role play, dress up and create my own movies, (if you know what I mean)–and I can do it while debating you on healthcare! NEXT!!

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All Undressed Up & Nowhere To Go

I wanted Valentine’s Day to be exceptionally romantic this year. It was the first time the lovers’ holiday would be celebrated in my own apartment, which meant I could have a movie scene moment without paying $10 for stale and greasy popcorn and $30 for overpriced tickets.

I had it all planned. I picked up my favorite drink from the liquor store–this sweet coconut rum that helps me transform into my sexy alter-ego. I grabbed his drink of choice as well. I didn’t have a lot of money to buy an expensive gift, so I figured the gift would be…well, me.

I cruised the Internet days prior, searching for the perfect piece of lingerie to set the evening off. I got nothing. I couldn’t trust my Double D’s to fit, so I decided to shop local. On my way to the mall, I happened to stumble upon his closest friend. I grabbed his number and told him to keep my boyfriend stalled until a certain time. The mall was depressing. I couldn’t find a single thing, and believe me, I tried on at least seven garments. Frederick’s Of Hollywood was the last resort. I found a sequin halter dress that stopped right at my kitty cat. It had a plunging neckline that revealed my buxom breasts. I felt confident. I was excited. I grabbed a pair of thigh-highs, and a garter to top it off.

On the way home, I picked up some Dominican food from our favorite Hispanic restaurant. By the time I got home, I had only an hour left to shower, do my hair, and complete a flawless face of makeup. My eyes popped in radiant blue eye shadow. My hair was pinned up so nothing would cover my beautiful face.

I set out my black wine glasses that I had never used before, then stamped a bare index card with my red lips and scribbled across the lines, “Drink Me.” I laid it neatly beside a fresh cup of Hennessy. I texted my man and told him to be at our place promptly, then set on the mood music and hid in the hallway.

Standing in garters and heels is one thing, but keeping calm and cool after waiting for 20 minutes is another. Still, I was anticipating what the night would have in store for us. He is a great partner, so I just knew he would rip this fabric off as soon as he laid eyes on me. Finally I heard the music lower, so I knew he was in the house. With my heart racing, I rang the bell like I was entering the threshold for the first time and hadn’t lived there for a year. He answered the door. I stepped inside and opened my trench coat, revealing my masterpiece of a body.

“Sequins? Where’d you get that?” He asked. I was vulnerable. I instantly I felt embarrassed, but I was determined to make it through the fantasy I had playing on repeat in my mind.

“The store,” I replied, handing over his cup of Hennessy. “Here, drink up,” I urged him, presenting him with the kind gesture.

“Na, I’m good,” he replied nonchalantly.

I felt my insides crumbling like an anthill in an earthquake. My hopes for a great time were slipping away. His attitude was ruining the entire occasion. My last attempt to salvage an intimate Valentine’s Day was the food.

“You hungry?” I asked and he shook his head. I let loose a deep sigh. Ready to cry, I retreated into the bedroom, sat on the edge of the bed and tried to regain my composure. What was I missing? Why was he so not into it? What was the problem? I wiped my tears as I heard his footsteps closing in.

“You called me here, to sit in here?” he asked.

By the time I returned to the living room in a pair of his boxers and a tank, his size 11 feet were inside his Jordan sneakers, on the way to the door. What took days to orchestrate was over and ruined in 10 minutes. I said “F**k it,” watched him walk out on me then opened my Spanish food and dug in!

The Corset Killer

I’ve always been obsessed with beautiful underwear. I’ve never really had a reason to wear them because honestly, my panties were always the last thing on a man’s mind before we jumped between the sheets. At least they were always the last thing on my mind, as I often opt for “Granny panties.”  (There was this one time when a guy asked if he could “keep” the ones he just pulled off of me. But that’s a different story for a different day.)

This story starts at Lane Bryant–a department store for plus size women. One day as I was cruising the aisles, I spotted a sexy, red, black and gold lace corset and panty set, and immediately, I needed to have it. There was this guy that I had been seeing for a few months and even though he and I had already been intimate, I wanted do something special for our four-month mark. I grabbed up the lacy lingerie set and bee-lined it to the register. I didn’t even try it on.

When I got home, I showered, made sure the mood was set in the apartment–candles, incense, Isley Brothers crooning from the speakers, I was ready to slip on the lingerie. I’d prepped my guy, telling him there would be a surprise waiting on him when he came over, so he was expecting some type of fanfare. Now if only I could slip the lingerie on!

Honey, when I tell you I was in the bathroom huffing and puffing–take that as an understatement. It was like I ran eight miles, Rocky Balboa’ed up a few flights of stairs, then tried to put a straight jacket on. Standing in the bathroom in only panties, while panting, I held the corset in one hand, almost defeated. I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “You can get this on. You will get this on.”

I tried to hook the seven hooks in the front and I succeeded. Now all I had to do was spin the corset around, the right way. I twisted and twisted until my boobs were perfectly perched in the cups and the hooks were centered in my back. Sweating, I decided another shower was out of the question, but I was definitely not as fresh as I was when I started. I thought about scrapping the entire lingerie plan, but I caught a glimpse of my reflection and I thought, “Damn! That’s hot.”

The lingerie plan was happening whether I was comfortable or not, whether or  I could breathe–or not. I stabilized my breathing, got myself together and waited for my buzzer to ring, signifying that it was showtime. Unfortunately, I couldn’t sit because the boning from the corset dug into my gut, so I stood and sipped wine until the bottle was gone. Woops. Now I’m tipsy and my breathing is just a bit obstructed, but I can function. I kept telling my increasingly drunk self that it would be off in no time, and my lungs and rib cage, will forgive me.

The buzzer rang and he came upstairs. As soon as he saw me standing there in my makeshift coke bottle shape, tits up to my chin and lace dancing along my curves, a smile spread across his lips so wide, I thought his mouth would be stuck in a permanently pleased position. “You look good babe,” he said as he walked towards me with his hands out, ready to touch.

“Thank you,” I managed to say in a breathy (possibly deemed sexy) voice. We embraced, his hands roamed my body and I broke away. I then sat him down in the chair I designated as the best seat in the house. As Ronald Isley sang, “ooooooh baby, baby….” I let my hips sway to the groove. Tonight, I was going to dance for my boy. As my sways turned into body rolls, I kept feeling a sharp, stabbing pain. Determined to give him a sensual fantasy, I kept dancing. The show must go on, right?

The stabbing kept getting increasingly unbearable. Suddenly, I felt a jolt in my side, as if lightening crept into the room, crawled between my ribs and struck me. I wailed, “Ahhhhhhh!” and I almost hit the floor. He stood up, grabbed me and asked what happened. I was almost hyperventilating. “The cors…” I said reaching for my back and then my side. “Help me get it off!” I cried.

Fumbling with my back, his hands were clumsy as he tried to pry the clasps apart. He was finally able to get it open and I breathed a sigh of sweet relief. As I stood there corset on the floor, hand on my side, huffing and puffing, he stood confused. “What happened babe?”

“This stupid corset tried to kill me,” I kicked it. I looked down at it and saw that the boning was broken. Both ends of the broken piece were sticking me directly in the ribs and my dancing caused them to shimmy out of the secure spot they were in and continuously jab me in the side. As I sat on the floor beside the corset, laughter burst out of him, filling the room with his delight in my tragic attempt at sexy.

“Not funny,” I shot him an evil glance, still holding my side. I looked down at the broken corset and eventually joined him in the side-splitting (pun intended) laughter. Never again.

A Blues For Nina

It was one of the classic New York romances. You know, the kind that starts over Sunday Night Football in a sports bar and ends up in sex on the first night. But three weeks later, we were still dating, I was hopeful, and it was Valentine’s Day. (I know, there was no way this was going to end well.)

The weekend before Valentine’s Day, my hottie new guy suggested that we spend Cupid’s night out–in, watching Love Jones, at his house, no, my house, then his house again. Considering I know that movie by heart, I was happy to oblige. It was a little low key for my taste, but hey, no need to make a big deal about it (especially considering my V-Day track record was abominable at best).

Valentine’s Day morning I woke up feeling excited and adventurous. I put on a sexy pencil skirt, turtle neck, and a beautiful cocktail necklace. I figured I’d should at least look cute when I finally saw my beau later that night, even if we were staying in.  Midday, a girlfriend invited me to a “death with Cupid” happy hour post work, and since my beau didn’t get off until late in the evening. I agreed to go. With all that extra time on my hands I’d also decided I should swing by the lingerie stop on the way downtown to get something super sexy and special for the occasion.

This was my first foray in to lingerie and because my breast are, what some may call, huge, I found my way to a serious store that carried the best brands and a wide variety of sizes (and really high prices). Inside I instructed the clerk to find me something “boardwalk-empire-esque” and soon I was standing in the dressing room in a corset, thigh highs stockings, garters and my cocktail necklace. I slipped in to my heels, put my clothes back on over top of my sensual undergarments, and for only $200, I was ready to get naked on Valentine’s Day (don’t miss the sarcasm here).

Three glasses of wine, and a shot of something later, I had gushed all about my sexy beau and my lingerie surprise to my friends. Since I was the only one with Valentine’s Day plans, my friends were happy to cheer me on, exacerbating my excitement for the evening. Around 9 p.m., I got the bat signal and I headed uptown to meet my boy.  As I walked up to his apartment, nervous and excited, I straightened out my corset, plumped up my boobs and rang the bell. (Oh, this was also my first time ever going to his house–I know, I know).

And then it happened. My super sexy, buff and delicious boy toy answered the door in sweats, a wifebeater, and a doo rag.  eriously, a doo rag. My heart hit the bottom of my stomach, this was certainly not what I expected. Inside, the house was dark and antithetical of Valentine’s Day festive–no flowers, no card.  I headed in to his room and there it was…a mattress on the floor. And then he said it, “Can you take your shoes off?  I don’t let people where shoes in the house.” You mean my perfect pumps to match the inner 1920′s seductress I plan to unleash, I think not.

A little while later, as I laid (on the mattress on the floor) trying to look sexy and find a way to get my beau to realize I was dressed head to toe in lingerie, the liquor started to kick in.  Soon, I was having blurry, and not particularly good, sex.  Then I heard snoring. Powered by a couple more glasses of cheap wine, I turned in to an emotional demon. My head started spinning (or was that the room), and I began crying and pouting, while half-naked, stumbling around (I kept tripping on the mattress on the floor) looking for my clothes so I could go home. How could he have fallen asleep? Did he know I just spent $200 on lingerie–that I can’t take back! A doo rag? Really?! I thought we were special, I thought we were really something–I was a lunatic.  The next morning when I was unceremoniously tossed out of the apartment, I was pretty sure I was never going to hear from again.  After all, it had only been three weeks.  Despite my girlfriends best attempts to convince me he’d get over it, he didn’t.  His final text, “I think you’re an amazing woman, I hope we can be friends.” SMH.

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Even in the most basic form of social interaction the attempt to make an impression is always present. This attempt many times is an unconscious reflection of our thoughts about ourselves. This is especially true in terms of dating. To win the interest of or to be thought about favorably is the desired outcome of most romantic interaction. Making it of upmost importance to be certain that the impressions you make are consistent with your true character. Many times people never show up for dates [especially first dates], they often send their representative. A character that they believe the other person may be interested in. Said representative often makes gestures and acts in a way that they [think] will impress the other person, often to a fault. Be true to yourself by being yourself and get exactly what you want in a relationship. Authenticity is undefeated. Instead of doing THINGS to impress him do YOU and attract a like minded man to build something valuable with. As you continue on your journey here Are 7 Things to Avoid When Trying to Impress Him:

Fair Weather Fan

If you really aren’t that interested in his favorite football or basketball team that’s fine, doesn’t bother him one bit. He takes sports seriously so when you aimlessly misquote stats, players’ names, team names etc it annoys him more than it endears him. He knows when a genuine interest in sports just isn’t there on your part so don’t fake it.

Also Check Out: How To Win The Dating Game: 5 Things Men Identify With

Double D’s

He won’t fall in love with your degrees. The fact that you are highly educated is great and at times very attractive. But he is more interested in you demonstrating practical application of the education you have obtained. Flaunting your MBA will only tempt him to go M.I.A. Don’t celebrate yourself at the expense of emasculating him. Doing so could be perceived as arrogance, self confidence is seen not heard.

Working Girl

There is something sexy about a focused, ambitious and career minded woman. He loves that about you. But when you bring your profession to the dinner table it is a problem. You define the job don’t let it define you. After all it’s you he’s after. If he wanted to spend 3 hours hearing about how you’ve climbed the corporate ladder he would visit you during office hours.

Video Vixen

These days long hair, big butts and flat stomachs come a dime a dozen. But Men who are seeking substance are interested in substance. There’s nothing wrong with accenting your physical attributes as a woman. I encourage it. However showing up for a date dressed as Nicki Minaj just places his perception of you in a box.

Salad Works

Don’t leave the date hungry because you only ordered a salad in fear of being a little messy with your meal. He’s going to order what he wants and you should too. Order that cheese burger you know you have a taste for. If you get a little sauce on your chin just wipe it off. Better yet let him do it. Just try not to talk while chewing.

Oh You Fancy Huh?

Prada, Fendi, Gucci, blah blah blah. In the majority of cases he has no idea what kind of bag your toting around and really could care less. He just isn’t that interested in what kind of heels you’re wearing. It isn’t about the name on the label but the presentation that attracts him.

Making It Too Easy

He isn’t impressed by you giving him your body and physical attention without having first earning it. He may indulge and exploit your willingness to do so. But he isn’t impressed by it. Men are excited by the chase. So don’t make it too easy for him to have all of you. Impress him with your commitment to highly valuing yourself above all else.

With you in mind,

Kevin Carr

You can stay connected with me and also purchase my newly released book! If All Men Are Dogs, Then Women You Hold the Leash” at www.Ifmenaredogs.com

words by : Kevin Carr

Also  lets talk via Twitter!  @Kev_Carr

Related Stories: 

How to Win The Dating Game: Men Respond to Standards

How To Win The Dating Game: 3 Ways To Figure Out His Motives

Despite the title, this article isn’t about men. It’s about YOU. You are the most important person in your life and from within YOU flows everything that your life is to be made up of. It should be liberating to know that the quality of your relationships is a result of you, not who the men you meet are not. Keep this in mind when interacting with men. When dating who you are, is constantly on display. So it is important to make sure that who you are is a reflection of what you want. You owe it to yourself to be sure that the reflection is on par with your true desires. That is the only way to be certain that you will receive them.

Like RNBPHILLY for more original stories on love & relationships

A question I like to pose to my female audience is; are all men dogs? The answers and the debates that follow are entertaining, passionate and even inspiring at times. My search and re-search for an answer to that question has brought me to a realization, a rebuttal of sorts. All men are not dogs, all men are observers. Speaking of observation here are 5 Things Men identify with.

Also Check Out: How to Win the Dating Game: The Control Issue

He Can Handle the Truth

It is imperative that you first be real with yourself about what you are looking for and that you then relay that to the men in your lives. This alleviates confusion and can keep you from hearing the “I didn’t know you wanted to be exclusive” excuse later on down the line. Be open about your wants, needs and desires. Save the fairy tales for the movies and deal with reality when it comes to your heart.

Love Thy Self

A confident woman shines as a light on a hill. But the lack thereof cannot be hidden. It starts and ends with you. It is about what you think of yourself. Self Confidence will keep you from the Cardinal Sin; seeking validation from a man. Remember a man will see you how you see yourself.

He’ll Love You for Your Ambition

Any man that will ever be worth your while will be attracted to your desire to want and be more. Your need for achievement will either excite or indict those in pursuit of you helping you sift through the dating pool efficiently. Only an insecure man will frown upon your goals and want your life to revolve solely around him. Ambition is a force that propels you forward and when in motion you will attract men progressing just as you are. Keep Moving.

Want vs. Need

It’s fine to want a man but when you get to a place where you feel that you need a man you should be worried. A man can sense desperation and when he does he will either walk away or pounce. It’s a dangerous thing to deem a man’s attention and affection to be more valuable than the standards you have hopefully set in place. When the wrong man gets the sense that you need him he will give you HELL. You need to quote your inner Angela Bassett and tell him “Don’t think you’re special. You may be cute, but not special.”

Safety First

In my adult life I can confidently say that 90 percent of the women with whom I have had sexual relations never asked me about a condom. They seemed to leave that option up to me as they lay naked and vulnerable. I pray that this isn’t you. AIDS, Herpes and other STDs are running rampant through our communities at an alarming rate with women often being affected and infected the most. You only get one body. Please be sure to treasure it for all of our sakes. You want a man who cares about his body as well as his future. A man that isn’t interested in living for just for today. That type of man will not mind using condoms, actually he will encourage it.

With you in mind,

Kevin Carr

You can stay connected with me and also purchase my newly released book! If All Men Are Dogs, Then Women You Hold the Leash” at www.Ifmenaredogs.com

words by : Kevin Carr

Also  lets talk via Twitter!  @Kev_Carr

Related Stories: 

How to Win The Dating Game: Men Respond to Standards

How To Win The Dating Game: 3 Ways To Figure Out His Motives

I’ve cheated – not because it was the cool thing to do, but mainly for three reasons: it was new, it gave me something my boyfriend couldn’t, and simply because I could. That sounds awful, but it’s the truth. I think it is unrealistic to think it’s possible to have all your wants and needs fulfilled by one person. I had one person who was mentally stimulating, and one who was very physically stimulating, so, seemingly, I had the best of both worlds. Mind you, this is coming from a very odd and embittered girl, but still, there it is.

Each of us, man and woman has been given two things, a gift and a responsibility. The gift is life itself accompanied by the responsibility to exercise authoritative dominating influence over it. In essence, you have control over your own life and all that is encompassed within. Your heart, mind and emotions all fall under the umbrella of your influence. As you engage in the dating game remember that ultimately you are in control. The ironic thing about control is that even though it is yours it is not automatic. You must exercise it if you are to reap the benefits of it.

How To Win The Dating Game: 3 Ways To Figure Out His Motives

Like RNBPHILLY for more original stories on love & relationships

Know What You Want

Imagine this; you’ve just finished up a long day at work in which you were too busy to take a lunch break. You decide to head to the super market to pick up some items so that you can make dinner. You arrive at the store hungry and even worse unprepared as you have forgotten to take the time to write down your grocery list. You travel aisle to aisle in search of something to fulfill your cravings. Your search is more difficult than it has to be because you haven’t quite settled on what it is you want. After you realize you have spent more time, energy and effort in the grocery store than you previously intended you decide to just grab a few quick items that seem fitting at the moment and head home. Once home you come to the conclusion that what you grabbed for yourself is not what you really wanted and that on this day your cravings will go unsatisfied after all.

Many women go through this same thing in their respective dating lives. The culprit you ask? Their lack of knowing what they want. If you never settle within yourself what it is you want in a man and in a relationship you will be forced to continuously weed through the unfortunate dilemmas that come with attaching yourself to the wrong person. This can be avoided by taking control. The first step is to know what you want.

Be Direct

Now that you know what you want it doesn’t stop there. You must project what you want if you are to receive it. When it comes to your heart being forward is the only way to be. In your dealings with men be clear about your expectations and what it is you are looking for. This will help you weed out those that do not have your best interest at heart from the very beginning. This will also hone your focus on your true desires. After all, genuineness begins with you.

Take Your Time

Without fail time always tells the truth. If it is quality you are looking for you cannot rush it. The single action of a man, whether it be good or bad is not a true indicator of who he is. It is what he does on a continual basis that illustrates his true character make up. Allow him to show you who he is consistently over a period of time before you give all of yourself to him.

With you in mind,

Kevin Carr

You can stay connected with me and also purchase my newly released book! If All Men Are Dogs, Then Women You Hold the Leash” at www.Ifmenaredogs.com

words by : Kevin Carr

Also  lets talk via Twitter!  @Kev_Carr

Related Stories: 

How To Win The Dating Game: 3 Ways To Figure Out His Motives

A game is something that is undertaken for enjoyment and sometimes used as an educational tool. If you ask me, that sounds a lot like a date, hence the title of this article series. We can debate whether or not dating is a game on another occasion but what is not debatable is how essential it is to discover a man’s motives, especially when considering potential romantic involvement.  Identifying motives in the early stages of interaction with a man can keep you from experiencing heart break in the latter stages. Before you invest of yourself into him, make sure that HE is really the “him” that you need and desire. Here are a few easy ways to figure out his motives

1. Talk

It seems simple enough, but with the rise of smart phones coupled with social media many people are neglecting the art of conversation and that neglect is gravely impacting the quality of our relationships. It is nearly impossible to dive beneath the surface of a person through a text message. Make it a priority to pick up the phone and talk. A phone call often signals a man’s ability to be direct and when it comes to your heart direct is the only way to be.

2. Listen

These first two points may seem a bit elementary; however it is often the elementary things in life that we have the tendency to over look.  It is extremely important to pay attention to what is actually being said, instead of listening for what you want to hear. A secret lasts only as long as the mouth remains closed, meaning, if you let a man talk long enough he will eventually divulge his interests, his motives and his dreams or lack thereof. This is the information you need to make the dating decisions that are best for you.

3. Watch the Clock

Time is our greatest asset in this life. It is an effective indicator of the hearts true intentions. When there is genuine interest a man will be more than willing to invest his time through phone calls, dates and whatever else it may take to win your heart. Time can also be telling in another way. The time of night he chooses to contact you or asks to see you can often be a portrait of ulterior motives. I will leave you with this; the later the hour the more relaxed you become which makes it especially hard to pay attention to detail. This proves detrimental because it is the details that reveal a man’s true character.

Until next time, talk more and with purpose. Listen intently and on purpose, never lose sight of how precious time is and what it tells you about a person. Dating can be fun, but your heart is not a game. So in the words of the late great Al Davis, “Just Win Baby.”

CHECK OUT:  How to Win The Dating Game: Men Respond to Standards

You can stay connected with me and also purchase my newly released book! “If All Men Are Dogs, Then Women You Hold the Leash” at www.Ifmenaredogs.com

words by : Kevin Carr

Also  lets talk via Twitter!  @Kev_Carr

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Single Black Women Tired of Being a Spectacle

1. Women Do Not Always Have To Be Right: Sadly enough this cuts down like 50% of the ‘women’ over the age of 25. A woman while confident in her opinions and beliefs will willingly listen to and accept that others will not share the same opinion and be able to keep peace throughout the storm. A chickenhead will become verbally aggressive to get her point across, through and to the bitter death. Annnnd although she may know that she is right will let her partner feel as though he is because men are allowed to have one victory out of ten #womancode #menthankmelater
2. Women Refrain From Putting Others Down: Let’s face it we all do a little people bashing from time to time but a woman knows her limitations and frankly has more important matters to attend to. A chickenhead will spend an ample amount of time preaching from her holier than thou pulpit, until your ears ache.
3. Women Live Within Their Means: Men, many of the other women you dated may have demanded coach purses and toted around Louis this and Gucci that, but a woman with a firm grip on her personal finances would rather see her money grow then put on a show.
4. Women Have Hobbies and Are Active in Extra-curricular Activities: It’s not that chickenheads don’t have hobbies or extra-curricular activities; they usually just don’t involve things you can speak about with the family over dinner.
5. Women Take An Interest In Learning About Others: Although collecting model cars may not be her thing, she will do her best to learn about the activity in order to know more about you.
6. Women Do Not Accept The Victim Role: This is a tough one and relates back to #1. One of the most definitive factors between a girl and a woman is that a woman knows how to move on after tragedy. This means that she seeks out help, is willing to work through her issues and refuses to wallow in them.
7. Women Put Family First: A woman will sacrifice splurging on a brand new leather tee, Watch the Throne concert, and a day at the spa to have QT with her folks, or her children. She recognizes that men, an active nightlife and an all-inclusive vacation are things that flail in comparison to her loved ones.
8. Women Love Themselves: This is also a difficult concept to grasp because intangible but a woman who loves herself carries herself with the utmost respect and grace. She gives off an aura of confidence that is more contagious than it is pretentious or unattainable. People feel comfortable in her presence and want to be around her.
9. Women Know When To Say No: I’ll be real with you I got this from that Raheem Devaughan joint, ‘Woman’ but it’s so true. A woman recognizes when a man isn’t ready to love her the way she deserves to be loved and has the strength and dignity to tell you no. Her value system is so intact that she has no problem turning down a man’s pre-mature yet charming advances.
10. Women Willingly Sacrifice Appearance: This is a major one. With our society being so commercialized and superficial a woman who can sacrifice getting regular mani and pedis or going on shopping trips to make ends meet or to save up for that new house or all inclusive vacation has come into her own. It’s not that she isn’t materialistic, because she may very well love and deserve her regular pampering but she has the ability to see into the future and stick to a plan that requires discipline and love. Sacrifice is one of the key elements of love.

Theirs is not much in life that is guaranteed because it’s constantly evolving and we are constantly learning however, I came up with this list by observing the qualities of women who I admire and look up to. Sacrifice, be open to new experiences, and loving yourself is what separates the girls from the women. Like I mentioned before it’s impossible to have everything down pact, but that’s what makes life so exciting, the struggle, the victory and the growth.

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About the author: Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Connect with her on twitter @goddess_I  or send her an email contact@goddessintellect.com.

Confidence

A universal winner, but it’s not just about what you say and do. It’s also about what you don’t do. Confident people don’t need to make themselves known for the sake of being seen and heard. They don’t need to proclaim it from center stage at Summer Jam. They don’t need to offer unsolicited criticism and judgments about what others are doing, what they’re wearing, and/or who they’re with. Confident people don’t snoop or question every opposite sex friend. Confident people embrace both their strengths and weaknesses. They’re concerned with controlling what’s in their power, not what’s outside of it. That’s sexy.

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Passion

Passion isn’t only infectious, it’s sexy. Men love hearing women speak passionately about the things and people they love (unless it’s about the ex they haven’t gotten over) and their dreams. Passion inspires. And inspiration is one of the key things that drives us toward you, to support you, to love you, and to become better ourselves. What’s even sexier is seeing you not just speak about your passions, but to display it through your actions. Seeing you pursue your dreams with determination is a definitely win.

Read the rest of the reasons here.

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