Dear Gay Best Friend,
I need help, advice and I need it fast. Time is winding down. Would you say this is about money or respect or NOTHING WORTH FIGHTING FOR? Is it too late for us to repair the hurt feelings?
About 2 weeks ago my boyfriend asked me to add him to all my credit cards. I didn’t because we aren’t married and have no plans to be. This is our choice – we are both divorcees. We have lived together for 4 years based on his income $400,000. I make about $40,000 if sales are good. I love this man with all my heart and I feel he is just trying to steam roll me.
When we moved to a master planned community I assumed all credit liability for this home because his score was bad. He gave me the budget and we lived according to his lifestyle. He understood and agreed he would pay our cost of living. I believed him because we are in Love and building a life together so I trusted him. When I declined to add him to my credit cards this angered him. He said I am being selfish and it’s about principles and because he pays our household bills I should be grateful and show my loyalty by doing this.
He gave me “1 day notice” to pay ALL remaining October bills of $2,500. He said he would only pay the rent on our home and by the end of the year we need to move. I am devastated, blind-sided and heartbroken. He says he does not want to break up he just wants us to live according to “what I can afford” and we will now split all bills.
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In September after 401K, insurance and taxes my net pay was $2,400. I’m almost certain he cleared about $36,000. I feel like he is bullying me and backing me into a corner. He told me if I had just put him on my credit we wouldn’t be going through this. Please tell me should I move into an apartment with the man I love or move on? Should we share credit if we are not married just because we share a home? Is it possible to go 50/50 on bills when he earns $400k and I make $40K? – Credit Dilemma
Dear Ms. Credit Dilemma,
Let this be a lesson to all you women, and men, out there. Never, Never, Never add someone to your credit if they are already a liability. Regardless of how much money they make, if they are a liability and can’t pay their bills on time and their credit is jacked up, then what makes you think by adding them to your credit cards or credit report that they will all of a sudden do the right thing by you? You think love will make them responsible? You think your relationship will make them responsible? LMBAO! Chile, if you believe that then go right ahead and add them to your credit and see what happens.
But, the sad part is that this man makes $400,000 and you only make $40,000. That is 10 times more than you make, and he is the one with bad credit? He is the one who can’t afford to buy a house, car, get a loan, or get a credit card. And, because of his irresponsible ways and inability to take care of his business, he wants to tell you that you’re being selfish and it’s about the principle. Chile, puhlease. Then he has the gall and nerve to say that you should be grateful and loyal to him for all he’s done. WOW! Are you a dog? Are you his pet? And by the way, love is not based on conditions. It’s not based on what I do for you, then you should do for me. If you’re soooooo in love then he would be doing what he’s doing for you simply because he loves you.
You know what, tell him to go to the bank and tell them they are being selfish because they won’t extend him a line of credit. Tell him to go to the bank and tell them it’s about the principle and they should be forgiving and give him a credit card or loan. They will laugh his silly ass right out of the bank.
You are not a creditor. You are not Bank of America, Chase, CitiBank, or TD Bank. If they won’t extend him a line of credit, then why the hell would you add him to your credit cards? Think sistah! Think damnit!
Trust your instincts and trust yourself. Just as you said that you’re not married, then why share credit? Think damnit! Think! And, why the hell are you sharing a home with a man that makes waaaaaay more than you, you’re not married, and yet you can’t afford the home if he shall decide to leave? SMDH! I swear you women will get a piece of man and a piece of d**k and think you’re hot –ish. Chile, adding someone to your credit or giving them money will not make them love you or be loyal to you. And, guess what darling? He just showed you his ass and told you to kiss his entire ass.
And, I am not sure why you are blind-sided, heartbroken and devastated. You put yourself into this bind with this man that you are not married to. What else would you expect? I’m confused as to why you are falling out and acting like this is some big surprise. He’s doing what he’s been doing from the beginning – USING YOU! Why are you acting all shocked and outraged?
You’re the dumbass who assumed the credit liability when you decided to move into a residence based on HIS lifestyle. Notice the operative word in that statement – “HIS LIFESTYLE.” You couldn’t afford it so why would you do something so stupid and asinine as to assume a credit debt more than you make? Does that make any type of sense to you? Please, please, please help me to understand why you would live above and beyond your means? In the infamous words of Suze Orman, “If YOU can’t afford it, then you don’t need it.” And, you Ms. Thang, could not afford it, and yet because you felt that your love would pay these bills regardless if he decided to leave, move, or end the relationship (Just as he’s doing now), you took on a debt bigger than your brain. You’re just dumb, dumber, and dumbest.
The sad part about all of this is that you stated that you’re not married, have no plans to be, but yet you are building a life together. WHAT THE HELL! Okay, let me calm down, do some whoo-sa’s and breathe. What in particular are you building? Debt? Liability? I’m going to make this point again: HE IS A LIABILITY. IF YOU THINK IN TERMS OF A BUSINESS OR CORPORATION OR BANK – WOULD YOU ASSUME A LIABLE DEBT AND EXPECT THEM TO BE IN GOOD FAITH OR STANDING WITH YOU?
Instead of asking you to add him to your credit, he can get a secured credit card from the bank. That will help him establish and build his credit. He can also make arrangements with his previous credit lenders and start working on clearing up his own debt. If he makes progress toward helping himself, then he can get himself out of this predicament and rebuild his credit. Therefore, he won’t have to ask someone to add him to their credit. He will be a grown ass man who is responsible and doing things for himself. WOW! Doesn’t that sound logical to you? Doesn’t that sound mature and responsible to you?
So, the answer to your question of whether or not if you should add him to your credit cards – No.
In Spanish – No.
In Swahili – No.
In Chinese – No.
In Hebrew – No.
In Portuguese – No.
Is it possible to go 50/50 on bills when he makes $400,000 and you make $40,000? (* *) Blank stare at you. What the hell do you think?
Should you move into an apartment with the man you love, or move on? You may think it’s love, but if he is angered, upset, and gives you an ultimatum because you wouldn’t add him to your credit card, then do you think he loves you or he is using you? I’ll wait while you think about that.
You two should move on, continue dating, but live in your own residences. You need to learn how to live on your own according to your income and lifestyle and don’t be dependent on a man who can leave you at any moment and decide he’s done with you after he’s used you up, and then you are left holding all debt and crying saying, “Why didn’t I follow my instincts from the beginning? Why didn’t I just say no?” Stop compromising, and don’t take on more than you can handle. Stick to your guns, and if he’s the man for you he will make the adjustments in his own life and do what is necessary to get his life in order. BOOM! BAM! POW! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
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Originally seen on http://rnbphilly.com/