I just read an article of yours online and felt the need to inquire more advice from you.
So, here’s the deal: I met this guy 2 weeks ago at a football party. He has text me non-stop, even text good morning and good night every day. Not to mention he text as soon as we get off work. I’m pretty sure he’s a player, but because I see the best in people I am not so good at being a judge of character.
Ok, so he asked to come over one night but then when I told him he couldn’t spend the night he changed his mind. Then he proceeded to say maybe we can do dinner and a movie one night this week. I said ok. That night came. I asked him what we were going to do and he said a lot of cuddling and kissing. I reminded him that he mentioned dinner and movie. Then he said he would cook for me. After I let him know that he had to bring whatever he was cooking he decided he wasn’t about all that. So, he came over and we just hung out in my living room talking and watching TV. Then he invites me to his softball game, so I go. Then the following Friday night I finally let him sleep over. We had sex, which wasn’t that great actually. Then he came over the next night to a party I was hosting. He spent the night again but we didn’t have sex. The next day (Sunday) he decided that he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. He went from wanting to date and possibly a relationship to not knowing. However, he says he doesn’t want to end things completely. I mean seriously???? Thank you for you time – What do I do now??? - Holding Pattern
Dear Ms. Holding Pattern,
I think things are pretty cut and dry. What are you missing or not clear about? I mean even Stevie Wonder can see this guy’s intentions. It’s not brain surgery or rocket science. He wants S-E-X!
What brain does some of you women, and men operate from? I’m certain that the brain God gave you is not being used or even considered for functional use. If someone invites themselves to your house or for a night of cuddling and kissing, then what about their intentions are you not sure or clear about?
Here’s a memo for all of you out there: IF YOU MEET SOMEONE AND THEY ARE TEXTING AND CALLING YOU LIKE CRAZY AND DESPERATELY AND EAGERLY WANTS TO GET TOGETHER AND HANG OUT AT YOUR, OR THEIR HOUSE, UHM, THEY DON’T WANT ANYTHING SERIOUS WITH YOU. IT’S ALL ABOUT SEX.
And, on the topic of texting; you people and these textual relationships. Do people actually call or dial numbers to hear an actual voice any longer? How can you develop and create a relationship with someone via text? Someone please explain that to me. And, the sad part is that it’s not just the younger generation, but some of you grown ass folks who are participating in this behavior. What the hell?!?!?! But, I digress.
And, another thing, when did dating become going to someone’s house and knowing the both of you are horny asses, but you convince yourself that you have all this restraint and nothing is going to go down, but then guess what happens, “It just happened.” SMDH! Dating is going out and observing someone’s behavior in public and interacting with other people, and especially with you. It’s about going to various places that the you two have in common, or exploring new adventures together. It’s not going to someone’s house and sitting in the living room watching TV. Especially not on the first date. Ugh! I can’t with you people.
But, you obviously found something you liked about him because your dumb ass kept entertaining him and his conversation. So, ask yourself why after several conversations and him being clear about what he wanted that you let him come over, have sex with him, and then get upset when he says he doesn’t know what he wants anymore, but that he doesn’t want things to end between the two of you?
You left the door wide open (meaning your legs) with an invitation to your bedroom and bed, and now you want to clutch your cheap ass pearls and act like Ms. I Got Some Values And Morals And Self-Respect For Myself. LMBAO! I can’t do you today. Perhaps you should call your friend and let him do you. I don’t have the time or energy.
So, to answer your question of what to do now? Uhm, hmmm, do you want to be his booty call? Do you want to be his jump-off? Do you, and can you, handle a casual sexual relationship with him? You did state that his sex game was not all that, but I’m certain you can teach him and train him on how to handle you and your cooty-cat. LOL!
That man is not interested in anything more with you other than sex. He’s made that painfully and abundantly clear from the beginning. But, you, and like so many others don’t listen to when someone is telling you who they are and what they want. You figure if you can get them to see how holy and virtuous you are that they will succumb to your light and change their evil and trifling ways. Chile, miss me already.
He wants sex. You don’t. He wants to be friends with benefits. You don’t. What he’s communicating and expressing is not in alignment and part of your desires. Therefore cut your losses, move on, and make a note that this was a lesson learned. Know from this point moving forward that you need to listen and hear when a man is telling you what he wants. If he keeps stressing sex, sexual encounters, sexual contact, intimacy, cuddling, hugging, lounging, caressing, massages, or anything that requires body contact, then he is not interested in being in a relationship. He wants sex. Now, get back on the saddle, and mosey along. I’m certain there is a man out there who wants a relationship and will respect you and your body. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!
Click on the “LIKE” button of Terrance Dean’s Facebook Page, click HERE!
You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, click HERE!
You can also visit Terrance Dean’s website to find out more about him, click HERE!