• “We Started Off As Bed Buddies, But Now I Want More”

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    black couple in bedDear Gay Best Friend,

    Ok, I’m a Gemini so excuse the indecisiveness. My dilemma: stay or go. Here are the facts:

    I’ve been “seeing” dude for almost a year. Early on learned he wasn’t relationship material because he’s in love with himself. Literally. Decided to deal with him sexually no strings attached because I was surprisingly attracted to him and he conveniently lives around the corner. Perfect. The sex is amazing!

    Here is the problem…

    First, it’s hard for me to NOT develop feelings for a man I’m sleeping with. Just don’t have it in me. Secondly, lately my desire to be in a relationship is becoming more pressing but it’s impossible to be in a relationship with someone who is emotionally retarded. I still date other men but no potential candidates and I continue to sleep with this man out of convenience. Never been my nature to settle but there’s a first time for everything. What do I do when I want more out of the situation but I don’t want to give up the “D.” Yes, I’ve talked to him about it several times: DEAD END. Stay or let it go? Ughhhh but I so want the sex though. – Ms. Addicted To The D

    “After Sex He Went From Wanting To Date To Not Knowing”

    Dear Ms. Addicted To The D,

    Chile, not only is the man not emotionally retarded, but so are you. Don’t you know that you attract that which you are? If you want to know why you keep attracting a certain type of person into your life, well, take a good look in the mirror first. You are the magnet attracting these people.

    The hell is wrong with you people. I swear many of you are emotionally, and mentally challenged when it comes to relationships. Why the hell would you insist on pursuing someone who is:

    A.) Unavailable

    B.) Doesn’t bring anything to the table other than sex

    C.) Doesn’t want anything to do with you

    You said in your own damn letter that it is not in your nature to settle. So, why the “F” would you start now? A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Baaaa-by if the United Negro College Fund didn’t say it best. I wish good sense was as natural for you as water is for life.

    But, I’m glad you acknowledge that you are addicted to the “D.” That is the first sign of recovery for an addict. And, I’m going to drive this point home for all of you out there. Good “D” is addictive. Hell, even average “D” has some addictive qualities. If you find yourself like this young woman, or if you experience sexual cravings at weird hours of the day, scratching between your thighs, grabbing your breasts, shaking your head and pulling at your weave, and yelling out “Jesus” at odd times of the day when you think about the man you’re sleeping with and his “D,” then you are an addict. The “D” is your drug and I urge you seek help immediately.

    Now, back to you Ms.Thang. If you know it’s hard for you to not develop feelings for a man you’re sleeping with, then why the hell are you setting yourself up for this relationship abuse, and inevitable disaster of an ending? Chile, you folks see and know the ending of your own predicaments, yet, you keep putting yourselves in these situations. Why would you set your own damn fool selves up knowing the outcome? Why would you set your own damn fool selves up knowing you’re going to cause yourself pain, anguish, and heartache? It’s because you’re crazy and the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result.

    What do you think the outcome of a relationship with him will be? He’s self-absorbed and emotionally unavailable. What do you think will happen with a man who is unavailable, detached, and not willing to commit to anyone other than himself? Come on sister, think dammit! We’re rooting for you.

    I tell you the degenerate gene is truly running rampant and the –ish is contagious. Hide your kids! Hide your family members! Hell, hide yourselves!

    And, you stated that you are still dating other men while having sex with this man. I’m going to assume, and please lawd let my assumptions be accurate, that you are not also sleeping with these other men, and if you are, then I hope that you are practicing safe sex. (Nut rag). That was a Freudian slip. Sorry.

    But, you stated something poignant (look it up I don’t have time to explain it), that you continue to sleep with him out of convenience. You want more and you want to settle down with him, but I strongly believe it’s not because you really like him, because you don’t know him, but because of the sex. Which you are very clear about. And, your lustful desires have convoluted (look it up I don’t have time to explain it) your dormant brain cells, which are probably more dead from all the red, blonde, and auburn dye you’ve been soaking your wig with.

    Look, there is no good ending, middle, or beginning to this relationship. It’s course has already been set and destined. Stay in your lane and stop trying to change the direction and course. You can’t handle the one occupancy lane, so why are you trying to get in the HOV lane? How about you work on developing your strengths and regaining power and control over your own life? How about you develop some spiritual muscles so that you can loose this man from your life and not be dependant on a man for sex? How about you spend some quality time alone, create a healthy environment of self-love and self-appreciation before you consider being with someone who clearly is not good enough for you. And, why don’t you stop letting your body be used for sex. You are more than that. Own your beauty, power, and grace. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

    Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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    Originally seen on http://rnbphilly.com/

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