• “I’ve Learned He’s Been Seeing Another Woman For 3 Years & Has A Child With Her”

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    black man holding babyDear Gay Best Friend,

    I have been in a relationship with a man for over 12 years. I love him dearly and know that he loves me. My every want and desire he gives me.

    I have always suspected that he was cheating and I would have reoccurring dreams about this. He has recently told me that he has been in a relationship with a woman for three years and has an 18 month old child with her. I was obviously devastated with this news. He said that he does love her and there is nothing else between them, other than the fact that they have a child together.

    He stated his desire for us to move forward past this and said that he is working on being a better man. But, I still feel a lot of hurt and anger, and the trust is no longer there. We live in different states, which definitely make it easy for him to lie and cheat. However, we commute frequently to see each other, and he said he will move to where I am. But, like I said there is a lot of hurt and anger that I am feeling. I love him and still want to be with him, and on the other hand I just do not know what to do. – Hurt And Confused

    “My Man Is On Porn & Dating Websites All Day & It Bothers Me”

    Dear Ms. Hurt And Confused,

    Are you freaking serious right now? Really? Really! WOW!

    The 12 years you’ve been together and 3 of those he’s been in a relationship with another woman and he has an 18 month old child with her, and you’re asking me if whether or not you should remain in a relationship with him. And, homeboy lives in another state as well with the said woman? Please lean close to the computer so I can reach through the screen and punch you in your right eye. The hell you send me this damn letter for!!!

    Somebody please give me a shot of “Don’t-Hurt-Em,” and please knock me upside my head for reading this. I think my brain just went on hiatus. And, we all know that your brain is on a long extended 12 year vacation. Come on home, baby.

    Now, let’s look at this situation closely. Whew! Jesus be a friend right now. Twelve years you’ve been with him and you’re not married? Twelve years and you don’t live in the same state? Twelve years and all of a sudden he wants to move where you are because he wants to move forward from this situation? Twelve years and now he wants to be a better man? I’m going to let you sit with those questions and let them marinate. It’s taking everything out of me to not look you up, and come and drag you out of your house and shake the –ish out of you until I see some life return into your eyes.

    If he hasn’t become the man he wants to be, or the man you need him to be in the 12 years you’ve been together, then it certainly will not happen today, tomorrow, or next week. All of sudden this bum ass fool wants to be a better man because he deceived you for 3 years, bore a child with another woman, and didn’t tell you until the child is damn near two years old!!! Girl, please, please, please do not get too close to me. Not today! I can’t! I can’t! I can’t!

    Girl, he said to you that he loves her and there is nothing else between them other than the fact that they have a child together. Did you hear what he said, or does that retarded brain of yours do not understand anything that’s happened in the past 12 years?

    What else is there to have outside of love? His heart is with her. His love is with her. I want you to pay attention, sweetie, because I know this may be a little fast for you. He has told you that he loves her. HE LOVES HER! Hello?!?!? Are you really that stuck on stupid and stuck on the d**k? Chile, I swear he must know how slow you are. He must have enrolled you in my Academy For Dumbass Women In Long Distance Relationships Who Think Their Man Is Faithful And They Can Tell Them Anything Because Stupid Is As Stupid Does.

    In any of those reoccurring dreams you had about him cheating, did you get any insights, any suggestions, any indication of what you did after you discovered he was cheating? Or, were you stuck on the repetitive scene of him cheating? Clearly your psychic skills are lacking. We’re going to have to cancel your reality show, The Psychic Who Knew Too Little.

    Let me tell you folks something. What you think and focus on will become your reality. What you give your attention to you will attract. Ms. Thang, you always suspected that he was cheating. The operative word is, “always.” If that is what you always felt then you got what you wanted. You focused on him cheating, and that’s what you always thought. Then guess what: He cheated. Why are you surprised? Why are you shocked and devastated? You shouldn’t be surprised, Ms. Cleo. You did have dreams about him cheating. And, that is all that you focused on.

    And, you have to accept some part of the responsibility in this. You allowed yourself to have a relationship with him for 12 years and not get married, nor live in the same state, and you knew he wasn’t –ish from the jump because by his own admission he said that he is working on being a better man. That sounds to me like he’s been a dirty dog from the beginning and you knew, but you chose to look the other way, or accept his behavior. So, please tell me what person in their right mind would allow this? I’ll wait.

    And, I’m not going to let asshole of the month get away with what he did either. He needs to be castrated. Like the Rev. Jesse Jackson got caught saying a few years ago on live television about President Obama, “I want to clip his nuts.” What your man did is lowdown, dirty, and trifling. He knowingly engaged in two relationships, deceiving both of you, bore a child with the other woman, and did it for 3 years. You need to be a practicing surgeon the next time you see him and “Clip his nuts.” Because this mofo didn’t and hasn’t been using any protection. He was running up in you and her, raw! WOW! And, I’m certain you two women are not the only ones he’s been dropping his seeds in.

    What’s sad is that you gave him 12 years of your life, and you have nothing to show for it. Yeah, darling, what do you have in return? What can you walk away with? NOT A DAMN THING! You can’t get those years back. This fool has a whole other family in the state where he is, and you’re off in Oz trying to see the wizard. LMBAO! Girl, leave that fool alone and get yourself together. Focus on nurturing yourself, your spirit, and reclaiming your life. I’m hoping you’ll see the benefit and lesson in this. You should be glad that he didn’t leave you with a disease, or you don’t have a child with him making you another statistic. You can walk away with your head held high. You have your dignity, grace, and power. Don’t give your power over to him. Don’t allow him to have it. It belongs to you. And, don’t give him anymore of your time and energy. You’ve been letting him deflate and use you for 12 years. Let’s spend the next 12 years working on re-energizing, and re-membering how beautiful, smart, and powerful you are. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

    Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, click HERE!

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    Originally seen on http://rnbphilly.com/

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