So, you’ve met someone that you like a lot,you’ve gone on a few dates and even spent some time kissing and feeling up on each other. It’s only natural that you want to take it to the next level. If a woman gets busy with a guy too soon, does she automatically nix her chances for long-term love? How soon do you give it up or go downtown?
Our dating experts share their thoughts on this hot topic.
(Jozen Cumming) HE SAID:
As far as I’m concerned, too many women are concerned with giving it up too soon. What they need to care about is giving it up too late?
I’m certainly not going to be the guy who says a woman should give it up on the first date, but I will be the guy who lets you women in on a little secret: There are women who have actually gotten a ring put on their finger by a man who they gave it up to on the first date. And I’m not talking a small group of men either, I’m talking a large group of men out there who don’t judge a woman based on how quickly she gives it up or goes down on him.
Trust me ladies, I’m one of those men.
If a woman thinks five dates is too soon to have sex with me, that’s fine, but she has to understand why that concerns me.
The ability to have sex with another person relies heavily on how comfortable we are with that person. If by date five a woman isn’t comfortable having sex with me, how is she even comfortable going out on date after date with me? I understand a date in a public space, where she’s safe under the guise of random bystanders is not the same as sex in a private space, where no one is watching, but frankly, if she’s not comfortable enough to share a bed with me by date five, I might have to move on because being around someone who isn’t comfortable with me after five dates will start to make me feel uncomfortable.
So to answer the question, I guess I’m saying, anything under five dates would not be too soon to give it up, but anything over five dates might be too late to give it up.
To be even more specific, there’s no way a relationship will be had without either of us
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(Telisha Ng) SHE SAID:
To me telling anyone when to have sex for the first time with someone they like is comparable to scheduling bathroom breaks. A handful of us were raised to believe that sex before marriage is wrong amongst other things so we’ve always had a mental timeline for intimacy and various life stages. I’ve heard of couples who got down on the first night and went to the altar months down the road; I’ve also heard of couples who waited until they said I do to consummate the marriage. The end result was the same- undying love.
In my own personal life I’ve waited abiding by the 3-4-5-6-10-15-100 date rule and have come up from under the covers only to find that we weren’t compatible. I’ve also lived life on the edge and given in to my burning desires on the first date and went on to have a very fulfilling relationship. I care very little about what others may think, and I regret nothing although I’m fully aware that there is always backlash from those who do not support first date sex. I think the most barbaric mindset is one that would attach a timeline to intimacy. There is so much more at play when building a relationship with someone than sex.
Our bodies are our special and sex is a gift that we give to whomever we chose to.
Only you can decide on a timeline of when to give that gift. When we become intimate with anyone for the first time a risk is taken whether we have known the person for eons or an evening. Emotional attachment, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy- sex is a gift that comes with a great deal of responsibility. And just like that Christmas gift you walked up and down the mall for, there is always a chance that the person on the receiving end may not appreciate it, no matter how much pretty wrapping paper you use.
Know what you want out of a relationship, talk about sex and being intimate with the person you are considering and please pay attention to your good friend intuition, she misses you!
The reason relationships fail is not based on how soon you give it up or go downtown, it’s from a lack of communication, but that’s a topic for another post.