In Canada we celebrated Thanksgiving this past weekend. Yes it’s significantly early and it does bother me that there is a month with no holidays but I’ve learned to accept it. After satisfying my unusually larger than life appetite I stayed chopping it up with one of my favorite aunts into the wee hours of the night. We talked about other family members, dramas, and of course this single girl’s favorite- relationships *throws confetti*
I’ve only ever introduced one boyfriend to the family and after he turned out to be the Freddy Kruger of love I vowed to never let another lover surface until I was certain that this was a sure thing. After learning that a family member had recently emerged from a physically abusive marriage, my aunt said that the best way to avoid getting into a situation like theirs was to stay close to your family.
She went on to explain that if a man or woman (men get abused too) knows that there is a strong family presence in the potential victim’s life; their chances of trying to control would be less likely.
I thought about it for a second before replying with, “True Story”. See, Freddy was physically abusive for a short period of time in our on and off again relationship. I was young, bewildered, and a sucker for love, or what I thought was love.
I pushed away family and wanted nothing to do with them during this time. I offended all who tried to help me, but it all finally caught up to me. In the end I sauntered on back and was accepted with open arms. I know this does not apply to everyone, as most abusers are charming and manipulative and your family could think that everything is ok, but there’s no denying that a healthy relationship with family is reflective of our relationships with self and others.
Admittedly I’ve never been as close to family as I am now. I’ve always felt out of place or felt that I didn’t belong, and even at some points convinced myself that I must’ve been adopted. As invasive as our family can be at times, I believe that their prodding and poking around is only for the best. I’m still not bringing anyone around who isn’t 100% legit, but I’m also not planning on involving myself with anyone who isn’t 100% legit.
How involved is your family in your relationships?
Do you bring the people you are involved with around your family? If so is there a certain criteria for doing so?
On The Scene
About the author: Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Connect with her on twitter @goddess_I or send her an email email@example.com.