• “Submission vs. Independence”: What Do Men Really Want?

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    black man cookingSubmission is not something that you make someone do. Submission is someone agreeing to follow the leadership of another person. They submit to that leadership. Therefore, if you want someone to submit to your leadership, you must first prove to them that you are a worthy leader. We don’t have enough men that are leaders in their marriages, families or homes. Men, if you don’t know how to lead, you need to sit down somewhere and work on you. Get you right and then maybe a woman will chose to trust you with her life. Understand that a woman trusting a man with her life is also submission. Why should she trust you? Who are you? What have you done? What can you do for her? Will her life be better with you at the helm? If you can’t improve the quality of a woman’s life, you are not fit to be her leader or to be submitted to. (Women, I am not only talking about money here. I am going to get to y’all in a second.)

    As a matter of fact, let me get to y’all right now because I know that y’all are already hi-fiving each other. Independence does not mean you don’t need a man. It only means that you don’t need a man to pay your bills. That doesn’t mean that you are more of a woman. In fact, money has nothing to do with how much of a woman you are at all. As a single man, I found some of the women I dated that had the most money, were “less of a woman” than some of the sisters that weren’t as financially fit because they felt that they didn’t have to do certain things for their man, who is now somebody else’s man. The woman gaining her financial independence could be the worst thing that has ever happen to marriage. Cuz y’all don’t know how to be the bread winner and be submissive at the same time. We are going to straighten all that out right now.

    Submission Example #1:

    Scene: The kitchen has been left dirty the last couple of nights.

    Adam walks in the house and says “Look here Eve, from now on, I will take care of the kitchen Mondays and Wednesdays and I would like for you to take care of the kitchen on Tuesdays and Thursdays.” Eve says “Nah Buddy, every Tuesday night you know I have my book club meeting with the girls.” Adam accepts new data and makes a better decision that works for both Adam and Eve “Going forth, I shall take care of the kitchen on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I would like for you to take care of the kitchen on Mondays and Wednesdays.” Eve accepts these new terms because Adam has taken her needs under consideration. Adam does not need to come to Eve and discuss this scenario first. As long as he is fair, he is the leader, he can make the decision on his own. Adam and Eve both have two days to take care of the kitchen; that is fair. If Adam would have said 1 day for him and 2 days for Eve, that is unfair and that is not the way God intended submission to work. Adam is to take his wife’s needs into consideration before making a final decision. He did that.

    Independence Example #1:

    Scene: Wife wants new car.

    Wife buys new car. She buys new car without consulting her husband first. She can afford the new car; she doesn’t need a dime of his money. Wifey is smelling herself, she is tripping. You can’t just go and buy a new car without consulting your husband (The husband cannot do this either. No double standard.) All couples should set some type of limitation on the amount of money to spend without first gaining the approval of a spouse. When the woman buys a car without the input of a man what you have done now is made that man feel un-needed and un-necessary. Maybe that was your intent but when he is un-faithful don’t act like you were the perfect wife. All of us need to feel needed and necessary. It is especially important that couples are open and honest with each other when communicating about potential problem areas.

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