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Dear Gay Best Friend,
I need some advice other than my parent’s advice. Their advice is great and all, but I would like to know what someone whom I absolutely do not know thinks.
Here’s the scenario. I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 ½ years. I’m 22-years old and he’s 29-years old. I recently just had an awakening that this guy is not gonna do anything with his life. He smokes weed and cigarettes constantly, drinks, stays out all night, works at Wendy’s, etc., and I decided I want better.
My mother would always tell me that this was not the right guy for me, but I would always brush her advice off until recently. Around November of 2010 I decided to tell him how I feel. This n**** went BANANAS. I had to call the police twice and everything. He even called my mom a bitch and a whore, which was like a big NO-NO. By the way, my parents HATE him.
Now, he’s trying to act like he wants to do something with his life, which in a way it doesn’t seem fair because why did it have to take all of that for him to want to do something, in my opinion it’s like he’s trying to make me be with him. I would like to be with someone who already has his life established, no kids, etc., and is just waiting on me to complete his life who by the way, my parents tolerates. I’m pretty fed up with this guy who I have been seeing for about 3 ½ years, so anything he does to try to impress me is like I have no more interest whatsoever. What should I do? – Over Him
Dear Ms. Over Him,
Girl, I am over you and him. You know what? I truly believe something is in the water, and it’s contaminated a lot of you young silly ass girl’s minds. Especially yours. Lawd, it’s the radiation! I knew it.
First, I can’t believe you said, “parents” in your letter, and second, this clown is still living after he called your mother a bitch and whore. Really? Really! Where they do that at and still walk around breathing on God’s green earth? I mean your father let this dude say this to his wife and he’s still living? Girl, girl, girl, girl, girl! SMDH!
If it was such a big NO-NO, then why are you still with him? Why are you entertaining him and the relationship? It’s obvious you don’t have any regard for yourself or parents. You stated that at the top of the letter when you said, “Their advice is great and all, but…” And, then you stated, “My mother would always tell me that this was not the right guy for me, but I would always brush her advice off until recently.” Honey, I wish you were my child I would slap you into the middle of next week, then meet you there and slap the –ish out of you again.
And, talk about someone being s-l-o-w. After 3 ½ years you finally get an awakening that he is not going to do anything with his life? (My head is cocked to the side as I stare blankly at you).
I don’t know how many times I have to say this for ALL OF YOU TO HEAR IT. No matter how much you may want to be with someone, love them, and hope they will change, IF SOMEONE DOESN’T WANT TO CHANGE OR DO BETTER WITH THEIR OWN LIFE, THEN THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE THEM TO CHANGE OR DO BETTER WITH THEIR OWN LIFE. Stop pacifying these grown ass men who are little ass boys! UGH!
I’m going to make this brief with you, Ms. Over Him, because I truly believe if I spend any more time wasting my thoughts, energy, typing, words, and my “KEEP HOPE ALIVE” speech on you, that you are not going to do anything about your situation and as peaceful and non-violent (sic) as I am, I will snatch the little hair you do have left and you’ll be wearing wigs for the rest of your adult life. Walking around her with them damn UGG boots on and that muffin-top stretch blouse. Girl, you better get you some business and a life. Stop letting this man run you. Please tell me what type of future you see with this man? He’s 29-years old, smokes weed and cigarettes constantly, drinks, stays out all night, and he’s working at Wendy’s – he’s not the manager (I’m giving you and him the side eye). I can deduct a few things from this about him. He doesn’t own a home, car, or that grill in his mouth. He probably works part-time, lives at home with his momma (in the basement), and the little money he makes he spends it on weed, alcohol, and clothes. I can’t! I can’t! I can’t! So, go right ahead and spend another 3 years with this fool and when you’re pregnant, living in your parent’s house, and he’s still at Wendy’s, then you tell me if you should stay? – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
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Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!