Send your questions to Terrance: firstname.lastname@example.org
Dear Gay Best Friend,
I have been dealing with this man for about a year now. He is the type of man that I had been looking for, but five months into the relationship I found out he had a woman. I was destroyed. I had fallen in love with him. I still continued to deal with him, but questioned whether they were together. He always tells me that it’s not what I think, but that I think it’s an excuse.
He also says it’s because I don’t live by myself and that going to her house is his place to go and chill. He claims that they do not have sex, but yet he is there and expects me to sleep with him when he wants. That makes me feel like a booty call. He wants me to believe that he wants to be with me and that I remind him of his mother and he loves all the qualities in me – the ones he is looking for. But, he still sleeps at this woman’s house 2-3 nights a week and then lies about it when I ask him. So, I stopped seeing him and having sex with him for about a month. Now he feels that I don’t love him anymore and is having a hard time understanding how I am feeling. I need some help. – Am I Right
Dear Am I Right,
Uhm, sweetie, boo boo, that is not your man. You are not in a relationship with him. Yes, you are absolutely correct in the fact that you are a booty call. He is using you, and lying to you about his relationship with the other woman, you know, the place where he sleeps 2-3 nights a week.
Girl, have you lost your damn mind! What are you smoking? Please, lord, don’t tell me folks are still smoking crack in 2010!
In my Florida Evans voice – Damn! Damn! Damn! (Throws the dishes on the floor in anger)
Look, girl, you discovered he had a woman five months into the sexual relations you were having with him. I refuse to say you were having a relationship with him because he was never your man. But, yet, you continued to see him. WHY? No, really, I want you to answer this question. Why would you continue seeing a man who is in a relationship with another woman and then expect me to give you advice about this? I don’t have time for this foolery. It’s just plain silly, childish, and immature.
And, then he tells you that because you don’t live by yourself he goes to her house and chill. Chile, you’ve really fallen and can’t get up. Clearly you have.
So many women like you continue dating men who have girlfriends because you think if you do more, spend more, give more, and be more of a woman than his current girlfriend, or recent ex, that he will choose you over her. Hmmmm, now does that sound logical to you? He is not going to choose you. He is not going to leave her. If he can have his cake, icing, platter, and filling, then guess what? He is going to sit at the table and eat it all. And, women continue to let the man get away with it. You get angry, upset, and in a tizzy because the other woman is in the picture when your anger and frustration should be with yourself, and him. He is lying to you. He is using you, and your lack of self-esteem and self-worth clouds your judgment and prevents you in seeing the crazy –ish happening right before your eyes. GIRL, WAKE UP!!!
But, then he lays the line on you that you remind him of his mother and he loves all the qualities in you, the ones he is looking for. Hold up, you hear that? Yup, nothing. Crickets!!!! Have you met his mother? Have you been to his house? Has you brought to dinner and allowed you to be around any of his family members? Go ahead, I’ll be here while you contemplate that. But, I got a strong feeling that he hasn’t.
Look, I am going to break this down, as I do in my book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND. This is an excerpt from my book, and I urge you to go to the bookstore and buy yourself a copy of the book. Sit with my book, read it, get a highlighter, pens, and start studying my book as if you’re getting ready to take a test.
If a man tells you that he has a girlfriend, but is always looking for more female friends, run, run, run! He is not faithful. That is a tell-tale neon sign that he will not be faithful to you, either. Some women actually think it’s cute to be dating a man with a girlfriend, or many lady friends, and they think they are getting one over on the unsuspecting girlfriend. Trust me, there is nothing cute about it. There is a thing known as karma. You may not feel its effects immediately, but trust me, Honey, karma will come back and bite you in the butt. Leave that man and drama alone.
Look, Ms. Am I Right, you’ve got to pick yourself up by your red bottom Christian Louboutin’s, not the knock-offs with the orange bottoms that you try to pass of as red, and get to stepping. Move on from this man. He is not the one, two, or three. Put yourself first. You’ve got to love you and stop letting these men whisper sweet nothings in your ear, because chile, it’s exactly as it is, NOTHING. You deserve a man who is solely yours. You need a man who will not come up with excuses of why he can’t commit to you, and lies to your face about his relationship with another woman. He is not the man for you. And, sweetie, you think you’re in love, but you’re not. Learn the difference between love and like. – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend
Make sure to get your copy of my new book, STRAIGHT FROM YOUR GAY BEST FRIEND – The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Work, and Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden – October 2010; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!