By RK Byers
I just finished reading Nick Hornby’s “About a Boy.” The story is about a guy with no kids that starts exclusively dating women with kids. His reasons are that, in his opinion, children democratized beautiful women—meaning that they were the liability that made otherwise out-of-his-league women suddenly in his league—and also that usually, according to Hornby’s character, the one requirement for being a nice guy in the eyes of a woman with kids was that you be nothing like the kid(s) father.
Needless to say, I found this perspective absolutely shocking!
There are few issues in the Black dating community as divisive as the issue of single men and women with children. There’s even a song by Lyfe Jennings called “She Got Kids” that casts the children of a prospective love interest as the deal breaker.
For some reason, the children of unmarried Black people—especially Black people that have never been married—are seen as evidence of low breeding, poor self-esteem and questionable life choices.
Never mind that Brad and Angelina are unmarried and neither is Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol, Britney Spears sister Jamie Lynn nor, quite frankly, a whole host of whites that either turn the products of their unmarried love and sex affairs into something chic, or become crusaders; using the children as proof some sort of inner bravery that should entitle them to a badge of honor.
Almost gone seem to be the days of bluesmen like Muddy Waters and Howlin’ Wolf. Both men married women with preexisting children as they were more concerned with, it seems, the woman herself than with her, er, “baggage”.
Also almost gone seem to be the Black women that will accept men with children. Many of today’s Black women rarely see the need to “settle” for anything, especially something that could seem to be evidence of any sloppiness or past indiscretions.
But is this right?
Would you turn down a woman or man that was otherwise perfect except for one (or a few) little thing(s)?
Also by RK Byers: Should Reggie Bush Marry Kim Kardashian?